The Mirror Has Two Faces
The 1996 romantic comedy with the incomparable Barbara Streisand and the powerhouse that is Jeff Bridges is one of my favourite ever films. If you haven’t seen it yet, I’d highly recommend it.
But this isn’t a post about romantic comedies, films or escapist TV (although I do touch on that a little) the posts topic though does have a common thread with the film and not just due to its name, in that it speaks of self identity and the complex struggles woman can experience in life.
April sees the spotlight shone on an organisation and condition very near to my heart. April is PMDD awareness month.
I’ve lived with PMDD knowingly for the last 13 years but in truth I suspect it’s a condition I’ve experienced all of my life since my teenage years when those crazy female hormones kicked in.
One in twenty women (or an estimated 5.5% of those of reproductive age) struggle with the impact of this condition month in and month out and that’s just the ones that know about it. Many more woman live with it as a silent companion and many more may have been misdiagnosed with other conditions such as Bi Polar or Borderline Personality Disorder with which PMDD shares some of its characteristics and is often confused for.
PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is a cyclical, hormone based mood disorder with symptoms arising during the premenstrual or luteal phase of the menstrual cycle. For many women, myself included, the shift between the different cycle phases is severe and once ovulation occurs, it can be like someone has flicked a switch and I no longer recognise myself until a few days after the onset of menstruation. When I look in the mirror I literally see a different person looking back at me. It’s as if something has sucked all the joy, colour and emotion out of my body and left me with an empty shell.
To clarify though, PMDD is not a hormone imbalance.
It is a severe negative reaction in the brain to the natural rise and fall of oestrogen and progesterone. The only way to diagnose it is to carefully track your symptoms daily for at least two menstrual cycles. People with PMDD are classed as at increased risk for suicide or suicidal behaviour.
As I sit here typing my PMDD has a tight grip on me, and after so many years of experiencing the symptoms that appear most prevalently to me, namely a deep dive into low mood and lack of any kind of motivation for life, I’m reminded that there are still so many people unaware of its effects, how to recognise it (and other pre menstrual disorders) and where to go for help should you feel you may be experiencing it too.
Here are some common symptoms of PMDD, some people may experience them all, others may only experience one or two and the symptoms and condition can vary in intensity.
Feelings of sadness or despair or even thoughts of suicide
Feelings of tension or anxiety
Panic attacks, mood swings or frequent crying
Lasting irritability or anger that affects other people
Lack of interests in daily activities and relationships
Trouble thinking or focusing
Tiredness or low energy
Food cravings or binge eating
Trouble sleeping
Feeling out of control
Physical symptoms such as bloating, breast tenderness, headaches and joint or muscle aches.
You may be thinking that these symptoms sound very similar to those of PMS (Pre Menstrual Disorder) or even Peri Menopause, but the way to differentiate between these conditions and PMDD is that the symptoms of PMDD begin shortly after ovulation and last up to and including the first few days of menstrual bleeding. Rather than a few days before such as PMS or constantly as you might find with peri menopause. However, when you are someone who experiences PMDD and are also peri menopausal, it can begin to feel like a permanent companion as cycles become shorter, therefore the cyclical phases are closer together and the hormonal patterns irregular.
There is no specific treatment for PMDD other than the contraceptive pill which can have an impact on the hormones in other ways and can sometimes cause complications with fertility or you can take anti depressants or anti anxiety medication, which can again cause problems of their own. Plus, for the first two weeks of your cycle you feel amazing, unstoppable and full of fun and energy before the crash that comes post ovulation. These treatments could regulate the hormones and therefore the brain reaction but may result in feeling just ok all month round. And feeling kind of OK just isn’t my bag. I want to Live!
I the past my preference has been to manage my PMDD holistically using aromatherapy, meditation, alone time (and a healthy dose of Netflix binging) listening to my body and giving it what it wants and needs. I have planned my diary carefully according to my cycle phases and learnt how to work with them rather than against them, endeavouring to keep my stress levels moderate, having discovered that stress has a major impact on my symptoms.
But now I find myself foundering a little as peri-menopause plays havoc with my cycles (currently I’m a week in pre ovulation phase and a week in luteal) meaning I have one great week then one potentially awful week, it’s a messy rollercoaster with more loop the loops than I would care for, especially when trying to run and grow a business and look after my family, but this is part of my on going healing journey and I am continuing to learn how best to care for myself and those around me as my PMDD morphs and changes to accommodate different phases of my life.
This PMDD awareness month, I would like to highlight what I consider to be the best source of help and support available for people who have PMDD (or other menstrual conditions) or who think they may be living with a condition such as this.
https://www.iapmd.org (the International Association for Pre Menstrual Disorders)
This organisation does fantastic work in raising awareness of these conditions. They also have free downloadable symptom trackers and self assessment tools (most people with pre menstrual conditions are self diagnosed) that you can use.
I can also recommend the work of Life Coach and Author Maisie Hill who wrote Period Power and Peri Menopause Power and has a fabulous podcast show, The Maisie Hill Experience (her earlier episodes focus more on pre menstrual disorders) and also Alisa Vitti’s book In The Flow.
Knowledge is indeed power, and whilst I still wrestle sometimes with the symptoms and cyclical nature of my PMDD, I know that I am so much better off for knowing what it is and how I can help not just myself to symptom manage and accept this part of who I am, but also help to raise awareness so that others can do the same.
Remember, healing starts from within.
If this post has resonated with you and you would like to hear more about natural ways to manage these conditions, let me know in the comments and I will endeavour to put some resources together.
May the light in me touch the light in you.
Sam x